This article is from the Las Vegas Review-Journal, Sunday, August 5, 1990. DON'T BE SURPRISED IF LAZAR GETS LAST LAUGH Young Scientist Subject To Unfair Attacks Bob Lazar is a walking bellylaugh. His wild tales have inspired countless chuckles and guffaws among journalists, government officials, and other stuffy nincompoops. But it seems as if there is a nervousness to the scoffing and tittering, as if the hyenas will be relieved when Lazar is discredited once and for all. Laugh on. Bob Lazar is a young scientist who claims to have tinkered with alien spacecraft at a secret government base. Yuckety yuck. He is also the man who admitted to an involvement with an illegal brothel. Har-dee-har-har. If he did the latter, he couldn't have done the former, right? That's what some people think. Remember the newspaper column that poked fun at the "little green hookers from outer space?" I almost busted a gut. The column compared Lazar's UFO stories to the search for Bigfoot, the Loch Ness monster, and Elvis. How do these writers come up with such clever, original insights? The inspiration didn't come from Lazar, that's for sure, because he wasn't asked for his side of the story. His side might have spoiled the laughs. People like Deputy D A John Lukens have been spreading their mirthful myths. Take, for instance, the story that Lazar previously ran an illegal prostitution setup in New Mexico called the Honeysuckle Ranch. Ho, ho, ho. A single phone call by Lukens or anyone else would have revealed that the Honeysuckle Ranch was a legal Nevada brothel once owned by Lazar's first wife. Such a phone call might have ruined the joke. Lukens is one of the most ambitious, media-savvy lawers in town. He appears often in news programs, spouting off about this or that. But somehow, he missed the dozens of TV stories, radio talk shows, and newspaper articles about Lazar. Lukens said he never heard of Lazar before the illegal brothel came to light. Chortle, chortle. Yep, he probably didn't realize that the prosecution of Lazar would attract all sorts of media attention. No sirree, he never even thought about that. All of that posturing and oratory he has delivered in front of the cameras has been for the sole purpose of seeing that justice is done. Justice, there's a laugh. Joy Mundy-Neal also wants justice. Neal is the probation department bureaucrat who prepared a sentencing report about Lazar. She thinks he is a con man who should go to prison. The energetic Ms. Neal spent all of one hour with Lazar before arriving at her conclusion. Perhaps she is clairvoyant. She was also kind enough to inform Lazar that, in prison, "little guys" like him are no longer seperated from big, violent offenders. There was also a reference to "friendly cellmates." Neal's report states that Lazar should be put away because he cannot verify much of his background. He has no previous arrests or convictions, owns a home and a business here and admitted his crime on television before an investigation had even began. But what matters most to Neal is that Lazar can't prove he worked on flying saucers and he can't prove he went to MIT. Sounds like felony lying. Book him. Neal's report implies that Lazar lied about the names of his parents. Felony obfuscation of parents. It implies that he inaccurately his eye color and weight. Felony weight fibbing. It also chastises him for failing to prove that he was married to his first wife, a woman who has been dead for five years. Felony deceased spouse denial. This guy should be put away. Finally, we come to the "victim" in this matter. Her name is Toni Bulloch, the alleged madam of the illegal brothel. Toni is a discreet and classy lady who told police she has been hooking for 19 years. She also told them she has been using her apartment as a crib for the last three years. John Lukens told reporters that it was Lazar who rented both apartments involved with the brothel. Wrong. And Toni told police that Lazar set the whole thing up, that she never would have done it if he hadn't insisted. This woman was turning tricks when Bob Lazar was 12 years old. She operated out of her apartment years before she met Lazar. Yet she was charged with a misdemeanor while Lazar was originally facing five felony counts. Why do you suppose things worked out this way? Lazar admitted his involvement. He admitted in court and he admitted it on television. Prositution is illegal in Clark County, but it isn't exactly the most heinous crime on the books. No one was ever mugged or cheated at Toni's apartment. Even her neighbors were indifferent to the operation. Yes, it is a crime, but when was the last time that a first-time panderer drew prison time? It could happen tomorrow. So crank up the laugh track. But don't be surprised if the last laugh belongs to Bob Lazar. GEORGE KNAPP, a newsman for KLAS Channel 8, also appears Wednesdays on Page 3 of the Las Vegas SUN.