>From: THE GROOM LAKE DESERT RAT.   An On-Line Newsletter.
Issue #18.  November 16, 1994.
 -----> "The Naked Truth from Open Sources." <-----
AREA 51/NELLIS RANGE/TTR/NTS/S-4?/WEIRD STUFF/DESERT LORE
Direct from the "UFO Capital," Rachel, Nevada.
Written, published, copyrighted and totally disavowed by
psychospy@aol.com. 

-------------------------------------------------------------

 ----- ENEMY UPDATE -----

 -- In DR#16, we reported that our intimate enemy list included
Lazar's gatekeeper GENE HUFF.  We are now as surprised as anyone
to report a change in status:  Huff and Psycho have kissed and
made up, and all those harsh words of the past have been
forgotten.

Huff has even sold us a shipment of the handsome Lazar saucer
posters, which are now available from us for $15 (plus $3.50
postage in the US).  This 22" x 34" poster features three
schematic views of the "Sport Model" flying saucer that Lazar says
he worked on at "Area S4."  In the  background is a Russian
satellite image of the Papoose Lake area.  It happens that in the
mountains north of the lake bed a tiny saucer shape appears, but
we suspect that it is a photo artifact.  (Huff says that the
"saucer" did not appear on other frames taken at the same time by
other cameras on the satellite.)  The poster was produced by Lazar
and Huff to coincide with the release of the Testor's S4 saucer
model.

 -- Replacing Mr. Huff on our mortal enemies list is German UFO
filmmaker MICHAEL HESEMANN.  (Big round of applause, ladies and
gentlemen.)  We met him on only one occasion, when he came to
Rachel to videotape part of a UFO documentary.  He struck us as
narcissistic and highly unprofessional.  He was abusive of his
crew (or so we gathered from his tone of voice, as we do not speak
German), and he insisted in appearing in every shot of his
interview with us.  When a German journalist later asked us what
we thought of Hesemann, we summed up succinctly:  "He's an
asshole."  That translates into German as "Arschloch," a sentiment
apparently shared by many in the German UFO field.  Eventually,
our analysis made it back to Hesemann himself, who called us from
Dusseldorf to leave a long and unhappy message on our answering
machine.  Listening to it, we were reminded of Col. Klink
threatening Col. Hogan.  Hesemann said he was going to cut us out
of his documentary, but he was kind enough to give us one last
chance to regain favor:  If we wrote him a letter of unconditional
apology, which he would publish all over Europe, then he would not
sue us.  We were trembling, of course, especially in light of
Hesemann's written comments to the journalist, the ominous tone of
which is best experienced without translation....

   "Wie Herr Campbell, den ich in der Tat WIE JEDEN interviewte,
der in der Area 51 forschte, mein Video beurteilen kann, das
derzeit uberhaupt erst im Schnitt ist ist vielleicht das grosste
Ratsel der Wuste von Nevada.  Ist er ein Medium?  Oder hat er
selbst so einen Scheiss gesagt, dass der Film schon wegen seines
Interviews (von den anderen Interviews weiss er ja nichts)
schlecht sein MUSS?  Was, bitteschon, soll er uber mich gasagt
haben?  Nun, Campbell hat ein Manko.  Als er in Rachel eintraf,
sind die 9 Scheiben--zumindest laut John Lear--langst nach White
Sands verfrachtet worder.  Darum hat er nie selbst was gesehen.
Ich war das achte Mal in Rachel, als ich ihn interviewte.  Ich
hatter bereits, zusammen mit einem ABC-TV-Team, eine sehr
beeindruckende Sichtung.  Er nicht.  Pech.  So what?  Neid???"

 -- Conspiracy nutcase GARY SCHULTZ is still our treasured enemy.
He showed up in Rachel during the Larry King show and afterwards
had the gall to visit our Research Center and try to strike up a
conversation.  Since this is the twerp who once phoned our
neighbor to spread vague rumors of child molestation against us
(false, we must emphasize), we regard our differences as
irreconcilable.  No kissing and making up here.  We ordered the
little dip from the premises and told him never to come back.

 -- The enemy status of SEAN DAVID MORTON remains unchanged.  At a
Nov. 5-6 UFO conference in the Bay Area, Sean described his
relationship to us as being like Michael Jackson to Weird Al
Yankovich.  (This is fine by us, as we have already proclaimed
that we are not a child molester.)  In our continuing campaign to
"data him to death," we are thinking of setting up a World Wide
Web page devoted entirely to the bigger-than-life exploits of this
modern Munchhausen.  Another neat idea would be to establish an
internet newsgroup, alt.fan.sean.morton, where Sean's growing
legion of "fans" can exchange information and insights about their
hero.  We don't currently have newsgroup host capabilities,
however.  Is there a sysop out there interested in sponsoring
this?

*E-O-F*