Date: 03-05-92   3:38 
    From: Robin Gober 
    To:   Linda Murphy 
    Subj: Cod 1/2 

    Co-dependence is a very complex but common problem. 

    "Co-dependence  is one of the most common conditions causing  confusion 
    and suffering in the world. It may be subtle in its manifestations, and 
    therfore difficult to identify." 

    "...a disease that has many forms and expression and that grows out  of 
    a  disease  process  that ...  I  call the  addictive  process...   the 
    addicitive  process is an unhealthy and abnormal disease process  whose 
    assumptions,  beliefs, behaviors,  and lack of spiritual awareness lead 
    to a process of nonliving which is progressive...(Schaef,1986)" 

    "We  can  begin  to  define  co-dependence  as  any  suffering   and/or 
    dysfunction  that  is associated with or results from focusing  on  the 
    needs and behavior of others." 

    "Endemic in ordinary humankind,  co-dependence can mimic, be associated 
    with,   and aggravate many conditions.  It developes from  turning  our 
    responsiblity  for our life and happiness over to our ego and to  other 
    people." 

    _Healing the Child Within_ Charles L. Whitfield M.D. 


      "Growth of Co-dependence

      1. Invalidation and repression of internal cues, such as our
         observations, feelings and reations

      2. Neglecting our needs

      3. Beginning to stifle our Child Within

      4. Denial of a family or other secret

      5. Increasing tolerance of and numbness to emotional pain

      6. Inability to grieve a loss to completion

      7. Blocking of growth (mental,emotional,spiritual)

      8. Compulsive behaviors in order to lessen pain

      9. Progressive shame and loss of self-esteem

     10. Feeling out of control. Need to control more

     11. Delusion and projection of pain

     12. Stress-related illness develops

     13. Compulsions worsen

     14. Progessive deterioration

            Extreme mood swings
            Difficuty with intimate relationships
            Chronic unhappiness

    To  get  to the point of recovery,  we must survive.  Survivors are  by 
    necessity co-dependents.  We use many coping skills and ego defenses to 
    do this.  .... survive by dodging, hiding, negotiating,  taking care of 
    others,   pretending,  denying and learning and adapting to stay  alive 
    using  any  method  that works.  They learn other often  unhealthy  ego 
    defense mechanisms,  as describe by Anna Freud (1936) and summarized by 
    Vaillant(1977)    These  include:   intellectualization,    repression, 
    disassociation,   displacement and reaction formation (all of which  if 
    overused can be considered neurotic) and projection, passive-aggressive 
    behavior,  acting out, hypochondriasis,  grandiosity and denial (all of 
    which  if overused can be considered immature and at times psychotic)." 
    _Healing the Child Within_ Charles L. Whitfield M.D.