"How to Survive a Close Encounter"
1. Remain Calm. Dr. Jacobs believes that abductors don't respond well to melodrama. "Once the event begins, you have no control. You cannot run or get loose." Conserve your energy for your recuperation -- not to mention your book tour.
2. Wear Something He'll Like. "Remember who you're dressing for," advises Spit Brody, one of the stars of last season's ABC comedy "Aliens in the Family." "Aliens don't like clothes with good taste, they like clothes that taste good. Chanel belt buckles are especially flavorful -- and they show the alien that you care." And a caring gesture makes for a caring alien.
3. Don't Pressure Him. "Many girls want their alien abduction to be magical," says Brody. "To avoid the inevitable letdown, remember: Your first abduction is bound to be awkward, even embarrassing, and guess what? The alien is probably just as nervous as you!"
4. Build Him Up. Most Abductees show a real want of imagination, writes skeptic and scientist Carl Saga: "The form of the supposed aliens is marked by a ... preoccupation with human concerns. Not a single being in these accounts is as astonishing as a cockatoo would be if you had never before beheld a bird."
5. Act Natural. Be yourself. "Remember, the alien abducted you," says Brody. "He could've just as well sucked up an otter or a slug. Don't put on airs, don't try to impress, and don't pretend you have more chromosomes than you do. Rule of thumb? Phonies don't get a second abduction.
6. Be Flattered. Why? Because they bothered to come back, even though such an advanced race probably could've done the job in one trip. "Why not steal a few eggs and sperm cells," wonders Sagan, and then simply manipulate them in the lab? In other words, these gray guys are going to a lot of trouble for a second date.
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